|Posted on 25 May, 2015 at 10:20|
I have been rereading a well-known book by a pioneer in marital research, John Gottman. He has spent his career researching marriage and what makes it last as well as being satisfying for both partners. What struck me in that most of us assume healthy communication is the key. Marriage therapy often at least includes an element of this if it is not the main target. As a couple counsellor, most people that call me for couple counselling say their main issue to communication. BUT according to Gottman it is not as important as we think. Healthy couples that last can fight dirty too! So assuming there is no actual abuse between partners, active listening is not the key to a long-lasting, healthy marriage. So what is? The bottom line seems to be FRIENDSHIP! What stems from that is a natural curiosity, knowing each other and connecting deeply as a result. So if you feel disconnected from your partner set up some time to chat about your lives and what are your current concerns, struggles, highpoints and dreams. Have fun with it and bring a natural curiosity with you!