BPD how do I know I am dating a person who
Please note that there will no trashing people
that have this diagnosis here. I work with
many individuals and people that are part of
a couple dyad, come in with a family
member, etc. that have BPD. This is about understanding,
#compassion and becoming conscious in our
#coupling whether you have BPD or are in
#love with someone that does.
#Intense ? Wow! This person adores you
quickly and figures out how to love you the
way you want, meet your needs so you will
stay. THAT is the main goal. So the
#connection is real. So this likely feels like you
met the person of your #dreams . They are
exciting, loving, doting, emotionally insightful
and the #sex is great. Then...
Fear of losing this wonderful connection
takes over, usually fairly quickly. They really
want you to stay. They often struggle with
express them in a way that can be received.
So there is a lot of lability, or #extrememoods .
So REALLY angry, REALLY loving etc. This
is a lot to be on the receiving end of in the
moment. You may really want to stay, but
find it increasingly impossible as accusations
and #jealousy begin. There may be seemingly
outlandish stories of health issues and
relationships ex. They may refer to personal
trauma histories and self-harm. They may
feel victimized by everyone in their lives. You
may start to notice lies and extreme
exaggerations that make you go Mmmm....
If you start to call this out, unfortunately the
#relationships often fall apart, especially as
angry, intense outbursts increase. People
with BPD have an unstable self-concept and
self-esteem.
You may decide you want it over and find it
hard to get out, feel manipulated and pulled
back in. They want to you to stay.
Unfortunately you may simply need to ignore
the pulls and stop #communication altogether.
Get help from family, friends &//or a
professional.
What if I want to stay? I've never been so
understood, seen and had such great sex. I
want this challenging relationship. It is far
from impossible to be a healthy person with
BPD. They come to my office. They want
love and connection. They may also fear it
and expect you to hurt them/leave. So get
support. In a group, with a therapist to talk
through what is normal, what is not. To work
on healthy communication and boundaries.
De-brief and review along the way. Forgive
each other too. And try again. Some people
want an easy relationship that is organic and
a back bone to life. Some people want to live
on the edge of something intense and
incredible . It may be challenging but it
makes you feel alive. But you will need to
work together to make it healthy.
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