Coming Out as LGBTQIA2S to Family & Friends
- Lisa Shouldice
- Aug 14, 2025
- 3 min read
Wow! Congratulations on making the decision to come out as LGBTQIA2S! But isn’t it terrifying too?!
Every experience of deciding to tell your family and social circle you are queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual, &/or your unique gender presentation is different. It is also extremely unpredictable.
You may assume it will be Ok to come out as LGBTQIA2S because you have an open-minded parent, but there is a difference between being open to anyone else being LGBTQIA and your own child. This challenges many parents. I do not say this to scare you, but to prepare you.
You will need to have either a trusted person in your life to talk to during this process of coming out as LGBTQIA2S or a professional to support you. A professional can create consistency if you are also coming out to friends and fear, or at least are not sure, of their reaction.
Support is even more important if you come from a faith community or culture in which being LGBTQIA is simply not accepted. These supports would likely need to be outside of that faith community.
It is important to keep in mind that this time is about you. Reflect on what you need. What self-care looks like during this time.
You may be changing the perceptions and worldview of the people in your life. This may take time for some of them to adjust.
So ensure long-term supports are in place to get you through. Please always expect and insist on being treated with personal respect.
Your family members may need support and will likely have a lot of questions. Think about family dynamics and typical expectations in these spaces. Ex. You may be the family caretaker. This may be a time you need to show up differently, the one needing care.
This needs to be a boundaried time. If you feel comfortable trying to answer questions (as you are able to do so, gender journeys can take years and be an ongoing, evolving process) it will help you learn to be more genuine with your family.
However, you can’t support your family members in working through their fears and stereotypes. This will likely be harmful to you, even potentially trigger your own internalized homophobia, resulting in more healing for you.
They will need to go to their extended social circle, friends or get their own therapist. Consider a family therapist if this seems appropriate, they can ensure things are said in a healthy, helpful way.
Please stay safe. There are many different types of safety (Ex. Physical, is there a chance your brother will become physically violent?) including the less obvious emotional and spiritual forms. This may impact the practical way you disclose your sexuality &/or gender presentation to family members and friends Ex. Online.
Reflect on resources needed here as well. There are therapists that specialize in spirituality and can help you integrate your belief system with your sexuality if religious trauma is part of you coming out experience.
Here are some examples of typical family reactions I see:
Your mother may wonder what she did wrong.
Your sibling may feel there is an important part of you they have never known and need to grieve this.
Your grandmother may worry about you and you being judged by others.
You may come from a faith community that believes you are called to celibacy due to your sexuality or even need to “change” it.
Yes, there are some stereotypes and homophobic pieces inherent here that may make this a really hard and complex time.
Coming Out as LGTQIAI2S: When Your Partner is Not Ready
You may also find that while you are ready to come out, your partner is not. This can be hard to navigate together. Some people simply do not see a way they can be open about their gender and sexuality for many reasons.
Some examples may include:
Abusive family members.
Religious/cultural intolerance.
Harm to career and related ambitions, security needs.
Lacking communication skills within a family dynamic. Ex. My family does not talk about feelings.
There are real and even dangerous reasons a partner may feel they are not able to come out as you are, at this powerful juncture.
Use open communication to navigate how to live in these different places. You may need support to connect with compassion. Follow us on Instagram for more info on this topic.
There is support out there.
I hope you and your family are able to get through by focusing on love and connection, even if it takes time.
Lisa S.
